Sunday, December 12, 2010

Life Lesson From Dad or Never Walk with Your Hands in Your Pockets


When I was a kid, my dad had a theory that you should never walk around with your hands in your pockets.


 

He was quite a story teller and many a tale had misfortune woven into it via a man rendered helpless by trapped hands.

One day while going up a restaurant stairwell on a family evening out to dinner. A guy came up behind us and sort of "cut us off" and entered the stairwell first.

The free handed man in the danger sign above is far better off than our poor protagonist

 
His hands planted firmly into his Dockers and sleeves of his silver Members Only jacket pushed up to his elbows as he clip-clopped by.

Toady a Members' Only jacket is vintage cool; in 1983 it meant you were a dork like this guy.

He was also whistling (my dad had many many theories about people who whistle, mostly that they are full of themselves ) he made it to the top step, tripped and rolled all the way down like a kid rolling down a grassy hill and landed at our feet.
 

His hands never came out of his pockets.

He pulled one hand free when he landed to help himself up and then re-pocketed it and whistled off.

It was like my dad's imagination suddenly materialized in front of us.

-Tasha

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The valet parker who went to went to Yale


When my husband was in the army they did an exercise where they would parachute onto a treetop (those giant mutant Washington state things)then rappel down. It worked great in daylight (you see where this is going) but when they tried it at night it was a different story. My husband landed just a little off center and when he went to rappel, the branch broke.



He fell 70 feet. 

He got an awesome doc who later made a career out of spinal injuries and wound up with a steel rod in his spine. But  twenty-eight years later has few back problems other than lack of mobility.

He had another close call about 20 years ago.

My husband's family had an old derringer 22 (handgun). My husband who taught firearms classes at the time, knew this gun was a piece of crap. Told his mom not to touch it. The derringer is essentially an old west style gun with the safety to match. You can throw a Glock all over the room all day without it ever unintentionally firing as internal safeties will prevent that, this is not so with the little derringer.



Fast forward to 20 years ago (that's confusing). 


A friend of hubby's family moved to a really crappy place in downtown Vegas. He called hubby to asked about that old gun in the back of the drawer. Hubby launched his speech on safety. But friend convinced him he really needed it. On the way to the crappy downtown apt. hubby and friend stopped to get a soda, gun fell off the seat, hit the ground, hubby looked down at what fell, gun fired, hit his eye.

His friend jumped in the driver's seat, hubby in the passenger. His friend drove like a maniac causing hubby to yell, "Slow down!" a few times (his friend's favorite part of the story).




At the hospital a group of police were just in the entrance. His friend waved passed them saying, "Give me all the tickets you want in about five minutes." The cops said,"Oh, let me guess- 68 white Camero. Ya - there have been calls."

Turns out the bullet went into hubby's eye, rolled around the eye socket, stopped at his brain, went around and was sitting just under his skin.

(Also, you single guys in your mom's basements may want to know that while he was waiting for his prosthetic eye to be made, he wore an eye patch.
I am not kidding you when I say that I was like a body guard to a sparkly vampire, trying to keep the women off of him. He could not go out of the house without women propositioning him.)


His eye was destroyed but he was fine otherwise and was back running valet in a couple of weeks.


However, the whole thing (both instances) caused him to look at his life and wonder if he didn't have more purpose. So at 28 he started going to community college,  transferred to a university, graduated Summa Cum Laude, worked for a congressman for a year (Ron Paul) and then went to Yale Law School.



He graduated Law School at 40.


And became that Oath Keeper guy



 

That was six years ago. People ask me what it's like to be married to an ivy league lawyer, I tell them I don't know, I married a valet-parker.


-Tasha