I have a million and one things I want to discuss, but this one is time sensitive.
We have the D.C./Virginia marches coming up, I want to tell you about our 2,700 mile tour through Montana and Nevada with five kids and three dogs,
also I've been drafting up a post on the health-care bill from the prospective of someone who has only once used health insurance; just a lot going on but today's emergency post is about how to be a turkey hero.
This will be quick;
1. Soak your turkey in ice water and two cups kosher salt for 12 hours.
2. Inject the shit out of it with butter.
3. Cook it in a bag (a cooking bag, obviously, and no, dry cleaner bags are not an acceptable replacement.)
4. Put celery stalks under the turkey, inside the bag so you can lift it easier because it will be stuck when done.
5. Going from pan to platter will be a very very delicate operation because this will the juiciest, tenderest, and best tasting turkey you have ever seen or tasted.
6. Once it is on the platter, guard it with your life. One false move before official carving and it will turn to soup, explosively on the table. It will turn to soup anyway as it is being carved but that's okay because everyone will blame the guy doing the carving for the hatchet job and joke that he should never become a surgeon.
7. Bring along some homemade bread, I'll show you how (without a bread machine that costs more than your dryer).
8. Happy Easter