Thursday, April 24, 2008

Beavis and Butthead were right or The C.S. Doctrine

The great philosophers Beavis and Butthead were basking in greatness when they put their somewhat over-sized philanthropistic minds together and collaborated what is now a staple doctrine in great thinkers the world over;

that all things great and small, known and unknown, imperative to our survival or insignificant to all, can be summarized, allocated and categorized into two simple and yet somehow beautiful groups;

Cool and Suck
or The C.S. Doctrine.

I might note there is also a very rare somewhat mythical, almost sacrosanct category that, as far I know, the great min
ds themselves only used to revere the venerable Johnny Cash, the category is titled;

This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.

They’re have been other sightings of this bestowal but the aforementioned anointment is the only one I have personally witnessed.

Most of you know from reading either this or my hubby’s blog that my kids are heavily involved in mixed martial arts; jiu jitsu, Thai boxing, wrestling and western boxing.

These are the only martial arts that have made it to the cool list.

While my oldest child loves this stuff,

and my five year old thinks it's cool,

my nine year old daughter absolutely lives and breathes an
d counts the seconds until her next opportunity to tap out anyone who is unlucky enough to to get paired up with her.
I say, paired up, because the volunteers to roll with her are getting fewer.

I have even had kids come up to me and say. Can you tell her not to do so many arms bars? Tell her to switch off with more chokes, my arm is getting sore.

She loves this stuff but I think it’s because she is so amazing at. She’s a natural wrestler, and I am not exaggerating or even using a parents eyes-just using plain logic when I say that she will most likely be a member of the first Olympic submission wrestling team, on track (if all goes well) to come about around 2016 or 2020.

It is with this backdrop that I give you the first of my categorical divisions.

Meet coach Bob Owen.

(I couldn't find a photo-but the above portrait is a close rendition)

He has been a wrestling coach in Polson, Montana since at least the early 1800s, possibly the 1700s. Wrestling is a big big deal in Montana. With no Pro teams and the nearest college teams a hundred miles away, at

least, from most towns, the citizenry of God's country actually show up to Jr. High meets to root for their town.

Coach Owen runs a wrestling camp. It runs for 6 weeks, it’s an after school thing for like three hours a day. It's not part of the school system so it was awesome for us (we're homeschoolers). My son had already done a three day version of it taught by two of the ancient couch's sons, designed for older kids- but this upcoming “camp” was open to kids even younger than my daughter. She had already watched all of my son’s class and she was literally chomping at the bit to get in there.

There was a month or so between the two events and my daughter made a calender for the sole purpose of counting down the days. We had singed up with Coach Owen's sons. We arrived at the camp with my son wishing he could do something else for the day and my daughter almost jumping up and down.

"Sorry no girls," Said the senior Owen."It’s just too demeaning to the boys to lose to a girl."

Of course, we stormed out and took both kids.

And with that, I induct Coach Owen, the senior, onto the suck list.

Coach Bob Owen; Suck

And just to add a little Ying to the Yang. I’d like to induct a wresting coach onto the cool list - even bordering on the mythical coolest ever list.

The following coach is known all over the country as absolutely rocking cool. This coach let my daughter (and all the other girls he coaches) roll with the boys.

He treats the women and girls he coaches with absolute respect and takes his sport seriously. Also, having met his dad and witnessed both of them coach Jason's nephew and niece I can tell you, that the apple doesn't fall far, his family is cool too.

Coach Jason Townsend; Cool

Also on the cool list, Coach Uly Gomez for letting the girls roll and for treating all the kids with respect and putting a lot of time and effort into his coaching.

Coach Uly Gomez; Cool

Also, from the dark side of jiu jitsu, I induct Marc Laimon, for cornering nine year old kids with every bit the same enthusiasm he
coaches bald headed, tattooed, fighters.

Dark Lord Marc Laimon; Cool

Many more cool and suck awardees are coming but for now I'd just like to thank the scholars Beavis and Butthead and I'd also like to end with a quote I ran across.

“A child is not a vase to filled but a fire to be lit”-anonymous

Did someone say, fire?

Fire Fire FIRE


No comments: