Monday, July 30, 2007

MILF-hood and Wheatbread


We women are always trying to force ourselves to reach the highest levels in about ten million categories.

We want to be patient, playful, cheerful moms, career women, (I ditched this one-but traded it for homeschooling) domestic goddesses who cook nutritious and simultaneously delicious meals, sew contest winning-Halloween costumes from old sheets and sweat pants, who are also "hot babes" having a voracious sexual appetite and achieving the coveted MILF-hood model.

I have a confession to make, although I joke about being perfect; not everything is as it should be-I have not reached all of these personal benchmarks.

I do not sew.

But I do know how to make wheat bread that does not taste and weigh like a brick.

Most of you know that I grew up Mormon. There is not much I have taken with me into adult life from the church. I feel like a caged-up bird every time I have to walk into an LDS building as I have to do occasionally for weddings, funerals and the like.

I was forever in trouble for showing too much skin, piercing my nose, working as a stripper .   .   .

Once I went into a church credit union to take out cash. I did, in fact, have evil intentions.

They somehow knew.

I must have carried an aura of iniquity. I was going to buy a car with my boyfriend. This was because we lived together and shared our money (gasp!). Yes, the same guy who is now my husband. I was nineteen years old. The bank made me call my mother before they would let me withdraw that much money from my own account. To this day I feel like I'm going to get in trouble whenever I walk into a bank.

Most of you know that Mormons are pretty much survivalists, especially back in the seventies and eighties. So like most Mormons; I grew up with a lot of wheat, piles and piles of wheat.

Piles of wheat; close enough


I know you don't want to admit your wheat bread taste like a brick. This goes back to my earlier point, we women want to look in control of everything in our lives. We want to appear (to ourselves too) that we feed our families only healthy foods. We get embarrassed if there are too many junk food items in the cart. We cut size tags out of clothes if they are a size up. We only open the curtains when the house is perfectly clean. And when we really want to show up other women at the office or neighborhood pot luck, we bring a whole grain banana bread to proclaim, to all "Look everyone, I am disciplined in all areas of life." But if you can't bring whole grain wheat bread because it is a brick; I am here to help you sustain your neurotic facade of supremacy. 

I don't really have a recipe- I do what you do. I get online, look for a decent looking thing and print it. But there are a few tricks you must use in order to convince people that you are flawless in all areas.

1. Cheat.

If you were to read the label, of course you do, all perfect people do, you'll see the second ingredient in almost all "whole wheat" bread is enriched wheat (white flour). That is because in all but the whole-est of the "whole wheat" breads, they use about half and half; wheat to white. You can actually throw in just a cup and a half of wheat flour; use white flour for the rest, replace the white sugar for dark brown sugar and a touch of molasses and your bread will taste like white but look like wheat.

This is all you really need to have all the other husbands and boyfriends and significant others turn to their women and say; "Wow-this is great, honey, get that recipe." Score one point for forcing another woman to endure this most renounced and feared humiliation.

This nod to your superiority may be enough to satiate your own personal mark of perfect woman status, but if you wish to further raise the bar by introducing your bread to the tinfoiled lasagna layout with a loud procolamation that the bread you are presenting is real whole wheat; you can use a few other tricks.

2. Lemons

Most bread companies use a dough conditioner to soften the feel of the dough. You can get this at a specialty baker's shop, but since bread making is not a part-time job or a religion to you or anything, you probably don't want to devote that much time and energy into it. Instead, use lemon juice. If you don't have lemons but instead have a frig full of Corona, put one on ice for later and use one of the limes stuffed inside the twelve pack. The juice of one lemon/lime or 2 tablespoons out of one of those fake plastic things in the refrigerator that you once made the mistake of drinking out of as a kid (because you didn't learn your lesson from the baker's chocolate) is fine.

3. Knead the shit out of the dough.

You have to fully develop the gluten in the dough. If you don't develop the gluten enough while kneading, the consistency will feel heavy and thick and so will the finished product. You can use one of those ridiculously expensive mixers or you can be a real woman about it and get your ass to work. You arms should feel like they are about to fall off.

4. Don't add too much flour.

This mistake comes from not kneading enough. When the bread is sticky and stretchy, stop adding flour. Just keep kneading and it will magically start to feel like dough. Adding too much flour is what causes brick and sometimes mortar consistency.

5. White flour.

Even if you don't fully cheat you should use about a cup of white flour. Add it at the end-it just makes it lighter.

So now you are a beautiful, perfect, overachieving babe, your house is always clean, your clothes are the perfect size, you only talk reasonably with a smile to your kids, you are always cheery and now your bread is perfect too.

If there is any other bar you feel you must reach-just let me know, I'm here to help.


Thursday, July 26, 2007

Hollis Wayne Fincher

I realize not everyone who reads this blog is a hardcore gunny activist. You guys are all over the political spectrum (although most come from some strain of libertarianism). I also know that most of you think for yourselves and don't just believe what the TV feeds you. However, even given that, I also know that when most people hear the word "militia" they picture bald
headed Nazi freakos running around in the woods.

So bear with me a bit and picture this scene.

A small town in Arkansas, a man nearing 60 years old who
has lived in the same town and his family has farmed the same piece of land for generations.

A man who loves his community and town. He is known as a peaceful,"gentle giant" and is quick to help people in need.
Sometime during the mid 1990s he g
ets the idea to form a local militia;

militia, in the original sense of the word.

A group of people who would meet and train for the safety of their community.
He wanted this to be a true, above board, community project and the laws of Arkansas say he in
within his rights-that what he has formed is a true militia. He sent notice to the governor, got a nod from the local sheriff and sometimes held
meetings in the local courthouse.

He also knew that while everything appeared to be and was, in fact, legal according to the constitution (you know that pesky thing that W keeps issuing executive orders to get around); he knew that federal law enforcement really don't always care what the constitution says. -

Wait -

I'm stopping here for a minute- to address that nagging thought of yours-

Just to stamp out any prejudice
you may have against a person in a militia, I should add that this person (Wayne Fincher) is not a racist and has never had any connection to racists and has received support from JPFO (Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership) who wouldn't go near a racist or KKK affiliated person with a 10 foot, 12 foot or any other length of pole

and (just breaking up the text for people with short attention spans)

he has received the support of my Latino/Apache/White husband who is
very sensitive to any indication of racism as most of his family spent the last generation in the grape fields of California and who wouldn't touch a racist with a ten foot pole; but maybe a three foot (lead)pipe.

Where was I?

So now this guy,Wayne Fincher, is in his sixties and basically decided that since what he is doing is constitutional and is the right thing for his community, (New Orleans certainly could have used a local militia-instead of just getting disarmed) that he was not going to live in fear.

He did an interview with an Arkansas paper (front page) explaining why the militia was there and that the militia did, in fact, have two sub-machine guns as part of their equipment.

I'll stop here again.

Once again, you may feel the prickling of ignorance and prejudice on the back of your neck, but thats okay, I'm here to help.

sub-machine gun

A sub-mac
hine gun is simply a firearm, usually pistol caliber (hence the sub, otherwise it would be just be machine-gun- gasp!) that has the option of continuous fire when you hold down the trigger; most also can be switched to three round bursts or switched to fire normally.

Really though, if you have ever shot one you know that, while fun, they kind of suck because two shots is all you can really get off before you're pointed at the ceiling and the range owner is shaking his head wildly and waving his arms and pointing at the ceiling lights, mouthing frantically, "The lights-the lights!"

-I'm just just speaking in general terms here, of course.

Bigger people can get three if they really put their weight behind it, hence the three round bursts.

I forgot where I was again- I do this in real life too-I think it's all the coffee.

Oh yes, I w
as addressing the prejudice against this tool that is so dramatized and sexualized in movies-I think Hollywood has some sort of forbidden fruit obsession with firearms.

Theses sub-machine guns are legal in most states, the only thing that makes owning these a crime is a couple hundred dollar tax stamp; one which a militia is not required to obtain.

You can see how this went down. The result is that a sixty some odd year old man with a heart condition is sitting in prison.

He has been offered more than one deal but does not want them.

He wants to stand up for what he believes is right.

He has been sentenced and gun law guru Quentin Rhoades (no relation- just an awesome last name-would be even more awesome without the "a") with hubby 's help is on the appeal.

Below is the text of an email sent out by his family and below that are a couple of news snippets.

To all,

As you know or may not know we have new lawyers that are doing the appeal. They have offered they services for PRO BONO. The only thing is that we have to pay for traveling fees and filing fees transcript fees etc.
We have set up an account at Arvest Banks that you can deposit money into the account. If you electronic deposit or wire money the account the information is routing number 082900872 account number is 0037421461. If you deposit at the Arvest bank the account is under Connie Fields H.W. Fincher Fund Account. Account Number 0037421461. If you want to send money by mail send to Connie Fields H.W.FINCHER FUND ACCOUNT P.O. BOX 215 ELKINS ARKANSAS 72727. This Money is for the attorneys. The main attorney is from Montana, his name is Quentin Rhoades and the other attorney's name is Stewart Rhodes and he is from Las Vegas, Nevada.
These lawyers we feel are very qualified to handle this case. I know that people have giving to this cause before and we thank you but, now we need your help again.
This appeal is going to cost approximately $5000.00 just to go to St. Louis, if this goes to the Supreme court approximately another $10,000.00.
Please help any way you can to keep your Second Amendment Right's and FREE WAYNE.

Thank You very much from the family of Hollis Wayne Fincher
The Morning News

Blatt also questioned the federal agent about whether the confidential informant was drunk or drinking when he made reports to the government about activities at the militia headquarters. The federal agent said he did think the informant drank, but didn't see any evidence to believe he was too impaired to reliably report the group's activities.

The Morning News
Judge refuses to allow militia leader's testimony

The defense rested Thursday after U.S. District Judge Jimm Larry Hendren ruled Fincher's proposed testimony inadmissible.

Fincher testified for more than an hour with the jury out of the courtroom so Hendren could decide if his testimony was admissible.

Hendren has repeatedly ruled the defense can attack the government's evidence but not the law that applies to the case. He also ruled, based on U.S. Supreme Court precedents, laws passed by Congress to regulate firearms do not violate the Second Amendment.

After hearing Fincher out, Hendren decided the testimony was aimed at challenging the legality of federal gun laws, not if Fincher had illegal, unregistered firearms in his possession.

Fincher maintains possession of the guns, which he does not deny, should not be criminalized because their possession was "reasonably related to a well regulated militia," based on the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

Fincher said the group would have been "derelict" not to use inexpensive, available and effective military weaponry to protect their homes and state.

P.S.-I have no idea why the Digg button on the main page takes you to an old post and why the trackback link takes you to the correct Digg version. But you can just Digg both of them;)

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Yeti makes a cameo

This is Yeti. She looks a lot like an albino rottweiler but is actually an american bulldog. She's a ham for the camera so I thought I'd make her famous.

I actually have something important to blog about but I'll need to wait for a little quiet around here-I'm thinking like midnight or two A.M.


Saturday, July 21, 2007

Rudy at it again

Once again, I don't seem to have time to post but I just don't want to see Rudy's face at the top of my blog anymore.

Hubby is just a few days away from the NV bar exam and it's a doosey, on a par with the California one. He is, of course, a genius so I'm sure he'll do fine.

Hubby also has a cool new gig writing a column (Enemy at the Gates) for SWAT magazine. His first article comes out in a few weeks, in the September issue.

All of these things at once require that the never ending Spartan like battles among the shorter members of the household, remain somewhat muted.

This is not as easy as it seems when it's 115 degrees outside and even with the car ac blasting-which you can't use in heavy traffic or the jeep overheats- it is still hot hot hot.

Below is a great bit on Rudy again but I refuse to include his photo.


Rudy Giuliani: Asked About HIV, He Answers With 9/11

John Deeth

Friday (07/20) at 12:03 PM

Rudy Giuliani gets Iowa punctuality. In fact, he may be the first presidential candidate in years to show up early at a caucus campaign stop. Razzed by the Des Moines Register for running late in his last Iowa trip, the former New York mayor arrived 10 minutes before a scheduled 2:30 Thursday speech at the Spring House, a historic restaurant built on a natural artesian spring in Cedar Rapids.

The bulk of Giuliani's relatively brief visit - 55 minutes from arrival to departure -- was devoted to one on one conversations and autographs. While the event was billed as focusing on energy independence, the crowd of 60 seated patrons and as many more standing folks was more interested in health care.

Loud Muzak drowned out the brief opening remarks of Paul Pate, a former Cedar Rapids mayor who also served in the Legislature and as secretary of state. Though the music clicked off early during Giuliani's speech, the lack of a microphone made it hard to hear his message.

After about 10 minutes of prepared remarks, Giuliani began taking questions. Asked about increasing federal support for HIV medications, Giuliani discussed what he considers appropriate federal responsibility in health care. "I don't want to promise you the federal government will take over the role," he said, drawing applause and shouts of "all right."

Then, in some interesting twists, he turned the HIV question into a 9/11 answer:

"My general experience has been that the federal government works best when it helps and assists and encourages and sets guidelines… on a state-by-state, locality-by-locality basis. It's no different from the way I look at homeland security. Maybe having been mayor of the city, I know that your first defense against terrorist attack is that local police station, or that local firehouse."
Read the rest here

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Rudy-"Freedom is about authority"

" Freedom is about authority.
Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful
authority a great deal of discretion about what you do."


Here is another gem from the same speech-if you homeschool-you'll remember why.

"We're going to find the answer when schools once again train citizens. Schools exist in America and have always existed to train responsible citizens of the United States of America."

Of course, no one running for the throne would actually say something like that (out loud). This is from a speech made in 1994. Well, it is a weekend. So I am about to be coffeed up enough to become a blur blazing around getting everything done and probably won't become completely visible again until evening when the barbecue is going and there is a lime in my Corona. But I had to stop to share this lovely snippet with all of you. I think it would make a great slogan.

Rudy-Freedom is about authority -Giuliani

The New York Times piece on this can be found here


Friday, July 13, 2007

Paraskavedekatriaphobia and Tropophobia

Wow-I can't believe how long it has been since I've posted or even glanced at my blog. I am on the verge of being completely unpacked for the first time in about ten years. I have turned unpacking and sorting into some kind of mania and pretty much can't think about anything else.

The other day when I realized I only had a few boxes left in the garage;

I became obsessed.

For those who have not yet been exhausted from just the knowledge that any other living being has ever moved so much; here is a quick rap sheet. Gory details are here and here.

Ten years ago-a completely unpacked 3 bedroom house, then to a 600 square ft apartment in back of mom's while hubby went to school and first baby was born, then to D.C. to work for Ron Paul for a year-where baby two was born, then back to the apartment at mom's in Vegas to help sister-in-law recover from a brain injury, then to CT while hubby went to Yale Law, then to Phoenix for three months (summertime!-while heavily pregnant with baby three) then back to law school to another 6oo square foot apartment-102 years old, no closets- the hallway was also the bathroom, then to grad housing when an apartment became available, then to Miami for summer internship, then back to CT for law school, then to Las Vegas after graduation for the summer where we lived nowhere but bummed off our alternating parent's spare bedrooms for the summer, then to Phoenix for a year for a judicial clerkship, then to a furnished vacation house in northwestern
MT- where baby 4 was born-because we thought it a great place to live while hubby worked for a cool law firm and on his book, then to a different house in MT- a more permanent one- but then my dad passed away and my mom-in-law's breast cancer took a turn for the worse so we decided we needed to be closer to our families so here we are.

I am looking at my last two boxes and it's silly but it's kind of a monumental thing.

We are planning to stay here for two years until we buy a place on Mt. Charleston.

I haven't been anywhere for two whole years since I was a kid.

When I think about being completely unpacked and living like a "normal" person, I wonder what I'll do with myself without constantly sorting and repacking.

It's all I've done my adult life.

Yesterday I actually color coordinated our closet.

I found it's a lot easier to organize and fix up a closet when all your clothes aren't in trash bags.

Below is a bit on Friday the 13th and I am off to satiate my mania.


FActs about Friday the 13th

From D GAmer at the game gods

1. It’s been estimated that $800 or $900 million (U.S.) is lost in business on this day because people will not fly or do business they would normally do.

2. No historical date has been verifiably identified as the origin of the superstition. Before the 20th century, although there is evidence that the number 13 was considered unlucky, and Friday was considered unlucky; there was no link between them.

3. The first documented mention of a “Friday the 13th” is generally listed as occurring in the early 1900’s.[

4. A Friday occurring on the 13th day of any month is considered to be a day of bad luck in English, German, Polish and Portuguese-speaking cultures around the globe.

5. Many people are so paralyzed by fear that they are simply unable to get out of bed when Friday the 13th rolls around. The Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute estimates that more than 17 million people are affected by a fear of this day.

The rest of the list here

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Dirt on Ron Paul?

I want send a thanks out to
for blogging about my blog-my male bashing rant. We ran into each other over on the Daily Burkman1.

has written a couple of very interesting articles on the main man Ron Paul.

And while I'm on the subject of Dr. No, I mean Paul, I should mention that my hubby has a blog -a sad abandoned blog, that he never has time for.

The only reason it is occasionally updated is because I post clippings from current news stories in hopes that he'll comment on them, when he has time. And although this almost never happens (the comments) his blog is still awesome.

Off to the side he has links to his work on the laws of war and use of enemy combatant status.

One is a 94 page paper that won a superty duperty, major award at Yale
(no leg lamp though) and one is a five page overview , published by Gerry Spence's magazine.

Both are very frightening to read.

He also has links to his articles for

Moreliberty was an a very well done and awesome blog run by Kent Snyder but since Kent is running the main man's presidential campaign he just can't keep it updated right now.

Kent Snyder can
also totally kick your ass-Bruce Lee style.

How many campaign managers can do that?

So where was I? Oh, so hubby used to work for Ron Paul and proudly makes mention of this in his aforementioned, tumble weed ladened, crickets chirping blog, titled Dirt Rhodes Scholar.

There are actually a number of people who reach his blog (then wind up at mine, searching for signs of life) by typing in

dirt on Ron Paul.

Listen all you dirt searchers (Hilary, Mitt) -there is no dirt on Ron Paul. He considers his job very simple; if it's okay by the constitution; it's okay by him.

If its not-it's not.

Paul's crew do not take polls or surveys.

They do not care what the polls say.

Paul does not get goodies for his district or bribe his voters with promises of federal handouts. Thus his crew ends every term with the attitude that it was fun while it lasted but the voters will most likely kill them in the morning.

The greatest fun hubby and staff had while in the office, was when the lobbyists came a knockin'.

Lobbyist would head into main man's office.
And crew would pile up outside the ajar door to listen.

Lobbyist: "What we are proposing is blah blah"

Paul: "That not constitutional."

Lobbyist: "I'm sorry,what do mean?"
Paul: "I can't support anything that not constitutional- the money is not mine to give."
Lobbyist: Baffled and confused, "But what we are doing is good for people-blah blah blah.

Paul: " That doesn't make it constitutional. Have a good day"

Crew: Snickering outside door

In the office of Dr. no(nicknamed so because he votes no on everything that is not constitutional) the only research tool is the Constitution.

And below is a little something I swiped from his site-hope they don't mind.


Brief Overview of Congressman Paul’s Record:

He has never voted to raise taxes.
He has never voted for an unbalanced budget.
He has never voted for a federal restriction on gun ownership.
He has never voted to raise congressional pay.
He has never taken a government-paid junket.
He has never voted to increase the power of the executive branch.

He voted against the Patriot Act.
He voted against regulating the Internet.
He voted against the Iraq war.

He does not participate in the lucrative congressional pension program.
He returns a portion of his annual congressional office budget to the U.S. treasury every year.

Congressman Paul introduces numerous pieces of substantive legislation each year, probably more than any single member of Congress.

100 Most Damaging Wikileaks

I'm loving this list, and am very thankful to all the people who spent hours sorting and reading and sorting reading.  I copied the f...