Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Dad Jailed for waving at Daughters

Before I get to my current rant and the extremely depressing story below, I want to give out an important link, The Daily Burkeman1, The week in blogs; important because this person linked to me, but even more important because he dubbed me a libertarian goddess and I appreciate people who do their research and report accurately. By the way, it is a really great blog-I spent all morning reading it.

At some point I 'm actually going to assemble a decent link list and anyone who calls me a goddess of anything can be on it.

On to this story and the rant it stirs up.

I never hear the end of women compl

that men aren't involved with their kids, they don't take an interest, they don't pay child support.

And some don't; but maybe it's because they are human and like most other humanoid life forms they can only take so much rejection and nitpicking before they just shut down emotionally.

And at that point they probably do say to themselves -"Maybe I'm just not cut out for that -maybe I should just step out of the way and let my wife takeover or step out permanently, let someone else raise the kids who can do all those things the right way."

Anything that doesn't fall in line with the way things should be done according to the TV model receives the head-shaking, smile knowingly and roll your eyes, silly man just doesn't get it look.

I can not even begin to fathom what is wrong with women. And when I say women -I mean of the finicky mainstream variety.

I have not come across any of this bashing among the off the beaten path types; homeschooling, attachment/crunchy, gunny freedom minded women. Maybe it's just the ones who watch TV.

When I was first married I used to get together with friends for coffee. I quit meeting with them because at any given time the only discussion going was the, my husband/boyfriend is an idiot because_____ . Women do this as a type of female bonding. Women who do not even know each other will connect by making snide comments about their buffooning husband.

I very rarely agree with DR. Laura on anything. I can't listen to her without wanting to throw the radio across the room. But she actually does know a little about women and wrote a book, that if you can forget it was written by her, is a great read. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.

If you're cool enough to be reading my blog than you don't need this book at all, but it's an excellent gift to someone newly married or to someone really annoying.

The story below is much more than male bashing. It's an absolute horror. But it goes to another point about minimizing the importance of husbands and fathers.

A very big, top down government wants to be your daddy.

It wants to sit at the head of your table.

Men can't help themselves; they want to protect; they want to provide for their tribe, their family. I'm not saying only men should work while women do housework. I mean on a very deep, lizard brain level this is where men are coming from.

And this is counter to what a big government wants. I think that's why most of the male bashing goes on among the soccer mom types-they have pushed out men as being competent providers and protectors and brought government in.

So while there may physically be a husband and father in the picture, in the dynamics of things they have been replaced.

Government protects the children with their rules and laws.

Government provides food with their little programs.

Government provides health care and education.

Men are gifted little tasks like mowing a lawn and changing the oil while the women laugh that they can't even get that right.


Daily Mail

Every day there is some reminder of what Mark Harris calls 'the lost years'.

It could be his daughter's reference to a particular birthday party or a family holiday. It could be talk of exams sat, dentists visited or pop stars worshipped.

Each time it happens, he feels a stab of regret. 'I missed so much,' he reveals, with understandable bitterness. 'They took my daughter's childhood, her formative years, from me. Lisa is 20 now. I didn't see her between the ages of ten and 16. An awful lot happens in a child's life in that time, and I missed it all.'

Lisa missed a lot, too. She sits by Mark's side as he talks, a beautiful and assured young woman, but one still coming to terms with the fact that her father simply wasn't there when she needed him - and for an entire decade she did not know why.

'There were times when I needed a father figure - for reassurance and advice,' she says, with quiet restraint. 'There just wasn't one there.'

But the story of what happened to the Harris family isn't just another tragic case of broken homes and estrangement. Mark, Lisa and her two younger sisters were wrenched apart by the state.

Mark was not a feckless, irresponsible father. He did not walk out of his children's lives. Rather, he was ordered out by the family courts, and when he objected - insisting it was his right to see them - he was dealt with in a scandalous way.

Mark Harris went to prison for his girls. He was jailed for waving to them after a court order demanded he sever all contact. It was the most shameful chapter in an extraordinary ten-year custody battle.

He has now 'won' - today, two of his daughters live with him - only because they shared their father's determination to re-establish their relationship.

He has lived every father's worst nightmare, and every miserable step is etched on his face. 'It took ten years, 133 court appearances before 33 different judges, two prison sentences and a hunger strike before I was given permission to be with my daughters again,' he says quietly.

'What happened to my family is unforgivable. And that it was all sanctioned - ordered - by a system that is supposed to help families is outrageous.'

Read the rest here


Niki said...

This is a FANTASTIC post. The story was very sad =(

Leah said...

I love you, Tasha.

I wish I had my guns. My dad has them in MI, since Chicago is fucktarded and won't let me protect myself from the criminals who all have guns.

Do you read ifeminists?

Adam B. Ricketson said...

All that complaining...

"that men aren't involved with their kids, they don't take an interest, they don't pay child support."

I don't think that it's a woman thing per se, but simply that many people are unwilling to take responsibility for their lives and deal with reality as it is. They just have this impression that everything is supposed to be handed to them on a silver platter...that the world is just supposed to be a particular way.

It's a big problem. I'm sorry that I have no idea of what the solution is.

ThatGirlTasha said...

Thanks Niki-that story WAS very sad.
Hope you have a relaxing vacation.

ThatGirlTasha said...

Hey Leah-Thanks-I never heard of ifeminists until now but I checking it out.
I know what you mean, when we were in CT, living in grad housing we were gunless. So we hung a machete over the door;)

ThatGirlTasha said...


"that the world is just supposed to be a particular way."

I think you are right there-a lot of people think their life should be a Coke ad-without any of the messy emotions and ups and downs of real life.

Becky C. said...

I read this a while I was on the road one night. And it is sooooooo good.

On the women's issue:

I used to have a link with ifeminists and in general philosophically agree with them. But, I got to thinking, I agree on egalitarianism--and men and women should be treated equally by the law, and men have been screwed by the courts. And I agree that women have abused the legal system, and it is sucks that feminism has adopted the Leftists approach--both the Nanny state and Socialism.

But then I got to thinking how can these women call themselves feminists at all? All they ever do is stand up for men who have suffered as a result of various laws purportedly designed to help women.

They never address a pretty central issue, if one is a feminist, and that is the historical and continued treatment of women in this society and the world.

There is no question that women have and continue to be be lesser beings to a greater or lesser extent throughout the world. There is no question women are discriminated against in the economy--some of the most impoverished people in the nation are young single women. And that sucks. I don't want the government handing out any free lunches--but it needs to stand up and make a level playing field--that is one thing the free market can never accomplish--just like it could not with racism either.

And it would be nice if we could at least have a fucking Equal Rights Amendment making it a matter of consitutional law that we are equal to the guys and to all the many privileges they are entiled to in our society.

No one has ever been able to explain to me what is wrong with the constitution saying we are equal to the guys.

Not a real radical concept.



ThatGirlTasha said...

Hey there-Becky,thanks for that.

Your comment about an equal rights amendment immeadiatly took me back to when I was a kid and my mother staged a household protest against my dad, who would never pour his own coffee even if he was leaning on the pot.

My mother marched around the house with her bottle of Era laundry detergent chanting ERA ERA ;)

I don't know why it is that after all this time women are just valued less. It really is a strange thing; men are undervalued as humans ,treated as though they have no feelings and women are undervalued in the world outside the family.

I definitely experienced that just trying to train a little boxing.

I also remember when my husband made a living as an artist and the perception was that HE was a true artist but any women who worked the same art shows were treated and had to accept the corresponding price tag as an "arts and crafts" maker and not a true artist.

I found we made more money if I put his picture up outside the booth so that no one would think I was the artist.

I've been to ifeminist a few times but every time I see the word feminist I get all flustered thinking back to when we lived on campus at Yale and I would cut through the women studies parking area with my jog stroller; the women there would chant breeder as I ran passed.

Oh well-I guess that is always the curse of being independent thinkers; we don't fit into any pigeon hole and we have to be bothered with trying to figure out these strange human creatures.


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